1. Self-deprecation. When you tell me some lame story about your cat or your weekend trip to the cracker factory, you don't need to sarcastically preface it with, "I know you're dying to know this..." We all talk about stuff that's not very interesting on the surface, but I should hope you're trying to make it entertaining. For example, right now it's 1:30 AM, and the All in the Family theme just came on. The guide said Three's Company was up next, so hearing it kind of disappointed me. Not because I don't like AitF, but because I was really expecting TC, and therefore was getting pumped up for a half hour of double entendre, prat-falls, and fourth wall-breaking*. (*Because I know that TV Land is currently showing Roper-era TC episodes.) Now, I could've made that a separate blog entry, consisting entirely of "Supposed to be Three's, got Family instead." That would indeed be boring. But saying something like, "I know you REALLY care about this, but..." before it wouldn't make it any less boring. So my advice to you, blogging person, is to just try and be your charming self, and be creative while describing your boring situation. Besides, you wouldn't have put it on your blog if you didn't think there was some entertainment value to it.

2. Post titles that tell me that you couldn't think of a title. Just think of one. Please. Something is better than nothing. Well, not always, but it's always better than "I Couldn't Think Of A Title."

3. A picture of you with the trophy. Just show me the trophy. I'll make my own picture of you in my mind.

4. Ads for ticket agencies who buy up all the good tickets and sell them for a hundred times their face value. If people want tickets, they'll find these places. Unless they don't know about Google.

5. Stats I don't know the meaning of. I know you're smart. You're calculating statistics and working on a computer, for god's sake. But I'm just saying, if you're already referring to a stat by its abbreviation, and you haven't even told us what its name is, let alone how it relates to whether or not the guy in question is any good at baseball, well, that's just not gonna do me any good.

6. Jokes by serious bloggers./Serious stuff by joke bloggers.

7. Stuff about the Tigers. (Just kidding, Sam.)

8. Unnecessary parenthetical notes. The person being made fun of knows who they are. No need to specify that you didn't mean any harm. Quit being so sensitive, Jere...I mean, random blogger.

9. Referring to yourself in the third person. Terrible job, me.

10. Minute-by-minute recaps of your thoughts over the span of an entire baseball game. Actually, maybe these are funny, but I've never read past the first inning on any of them. To those of you who do this whose blogs I enjoy, I'm really sorry. I just don't have that kind of patience. I can barely make it through my own posts. Just know that I'm still reading the rest of your stuff.

11. Descriptions of you hanging out with other bloggers.

12. Triple-digit comment amounts, when my blog has zero.

13. Referring to yourself as a nerd and implying that what you do is something no one else would do, due to your nerdery. Trust me, we're all nerds. The only people who don't consider themselves nerds are people who wouldn't understand why someone would call him- or herself a nerd. And those people don't read blogs, anyway. It's not like the star of your high school football team is sitting in a mansion having his butler read your blog to him, thinking to himself, "What a nerd!...Oh, wait, they did ADMIT that they're a nerd, so it's okay. I won't find them and beat them up, then."

14. Lists. Come on, just admit you couldn't think of anything else to do. Besides, lists are so 'earlier this year.' Terrible job.


Please note that I feel it's okay to bring these things up because I'm guilty of doing all of them. Except number 10. Also note that Three's Company did come on AFTER All in the Family, so I'm getting my fill. I know you were DYING to know that! Oh, one thing I do like on blogs is when the person brings a joke back around at the end. That's comedy gold.