Thursday, July 07, 2005

An Anti-Key Night

Despite Jhonny Peralta hitting a hmoe rnu against the yanks, this night gets ZERO Jhonny Peralta's Dgo's.

First, the yanks won, getting key runs on A-Rod and Giambi homers, neither of which were hit far enough to reach the (same) guy in the front row of the short porch in right.

And while that was going on, ESPN lost the feed of the Sox game right at the most important moment of the game, and by the time I got onto the internet, I found out that Trot was getting picked off second to end the top of the fifth, making the game official. So I naturally blame ESPN for the loss. The six freakin' inning bullshit loss. Talk about Steinbrenner using secret weather altering devices, how obvious can he make it? At least we got to see a little of the NESN feed during the next inning, since ESPN's feed was done for the night. (Fairfield County--and everyone else--gets NESN! If only for an inning...)

I've also noticed that umpires are not even trying to get calls right any more. Time for robots, MLB.

Terrible night.

I got some food earlier, and when I got back to my building, a woman was at the door, holding bags, fumbling for her keys. I waited for her to get the door open, and after she did, she said "I'll let you get the next one." (You have to unlock two separate doors to get in.) So as I moved my key toward the door, of course worried that this woman I've never met was thinking that I'm some random person trying to sneak into the building to rob and murder her, I noticed that the key was BENT. It must have bent in the lock the last time I entered the building. So I kind of gave this puzzled look, now sure that she thinks I'm a phony, and said, "I would if this key wasn't bent..." I tried to press it against the wall to unbend it, with no success. She told me, as if I were twelve, "I think you need to go to the key guy." As she opened the second door for me, I introduced myself to my new neighbor. She unenthusiastically told me her name. As I walked up the stairs, I said "At least this key (meaning my apartment key) isn't bent." She didn't reply. Suddenly I was under a great deal of pressure to open my door before she could get away, to prove I really lived there. I fumbled with the lock for a few seconds, furiously praying to the key gods to make the damn thing work. I finally got it open as the woman was walking away down the hall. I tried to make as much noise as I could, so she'd know the door actually opened. I don't even think she cared at that point. Why am I so bad at meeting new neighbors? I'm just trying to be friendly, but they always seem to look at me like I'm from another planet. Maybe it's because I don't look like a fucking instant message window.

Anyway, I told Chan what happened, and when we were talking about me getting a new key, he gave me some advice. He said, "You might not want to go to the place on the next block. Because you know how their sign is in the shape of a key? Well, it's bent..."

Time for robot umps, indeed. They should make 'em look like the Jetsons' maid, but in ump outfits.
Um...perhaps she was annoyed because she was fumbling to open the door and you didn't offer to help. Just a thought...

If I'd ever met her, or at least known that she'd seen me in the building before, I would have jumped right in there. (Which, as we now know, would have made me look even stupider, since my key didn't work.) But I didn't want to come rushing in there and make her think I was attacking her. In fact she'd been there when I was like twenty steps away, and I hung back, hoping she'd get in before even noticing I was there. I almost went for the fake shoe-tie, in fact, to give her time to get in. But as slow as I walked, by the time I got there, she was in the final stages of getting that door open, so I waited behind her, with plenty of space between us.

Again, I'm all about being nice and helping people, but despite what you've heard about New York now being this utopia where everybody'd gladly shave your back for a nickel, the reality is, most people are rude as hell and think they're above you and can't be bothered by something like politeness. And they work out at gyms so they can look better than you. And walk annoying dogs.

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Location: Rhode Island, United States