Sunday, June 19, 2005

But I Don't Wanna Be A Pirate

Empy's blog reminded me of the play last night where a batter was not allowed to go to first, despite being hit by a pitch. It was a great moment, because I knew right away what the ump was saying, and was psyched that he was actually making this call. He pointed at the ground as if to say "Stay right here, faker-boy," and I yelled out "No attempt to move!"

Here's what's extra-gold about this play. A week or two ago, I was watching a yankee game on the Hell No network, and there was a play where a batter seemingly made no attempt to move out of the way of a pitch, but was still awarded first base. The yankee announcers, led by Singleton that day, I think, started confidently yapping about how "You know, people think you have to move out of the way, but that's not a rule, you can stand there and get hit on purpose." When I told this to Pat, he said, I'm sure they said that because it was a yankee who got hit. And, of course, it was. Robinson Cano, I think. Have you noticed how Cano is learning the yankee cheating ways directly from Jeter? Watch that kid closely is all I'm sayin.'

In other yankee nonsense news, the other day, Sheffield hits a line drive toward the left field foul pole. Kay sees the ump make the home run call, and gets all excited: "It is...gooooone!" Sheffield rounds the bases with a straight face, as if everything's normal. Then the umpires converge (as Singleton says, "I don't know he's allowed to get help on this play." Idiot.) and immediately change the call to "foul ball," which the replay clearly proves to be true. And Shef just walks back out to the plate, not even pretending to argue.

And have you seen the new yankee Stadium plans? What the hell are they thinking? I'll give 'em the benefit of the doubt on the whole "still not facing the city skyline" thing, because there'd be a serious sun problem if they did that. But why did they make the outfield look so much like the current outfield, as if that were some special thing that all yankee fans love? They're trying to keep the integrity of the ugliness of the part of the stadium made in '76? I don't get it. Same with the dimensions being the same. Who cares? It's not like Fenway, where you have a really unique outfield with crazy dimensions and different wall heights, which you'd naturally want to preserve in a new park. But I don't think any yankee fans really were like, "They better keep that boring, uniformly even, mid-height wall exactly the same!" That's where they should have gotten creative. I mean, I'm kind of glad to see a "new cookie cutter" without the one high wall, but you can change it up a little. It's like they're taking the uncreative elements of the new parks and adding them to the boring elements of the mid-seventies "old cookie cutters." Terrible job, yankees. Fans, revolt. I want this to be a good stadium, too. Don't screw this one up like you did the last one. I will say that I might go over to Macombs Dam park and pee right where the mound of the new park will be, so when it's built I can tell everyone how I peed on the mound at yankee Stadium. Oh, sorry, Ameriquest.clownpenis.fart Stadium.

Well, it was particularly egregious last night, seeing as how 1) he made no attempt to get out of the way, in fact 2) he moved into the path of the oncoming baseball, and 3) this was with knuckleballer Tim Wakefield pitching. I mean, if you lean into a Kyle Farnsworth 100 mph fastball, I figure that you deserve a free base, if just for having the moxie to do it. But it's really pretty chickenshit to try that sorta stuff with Wakefield pitching at 60 mph, y'know? Can't have that. I mean, if you allow it once, every batter in baseball will be doing it, and Wakefield would be done as a pitcher. Finished. Which means he'd have to go back to being an infielder, which means we'd have a great in-house replacement for Redgar Enteria, who just blows.

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Location: Rhode Island, United States