Terrible job, Tanyon Sturtze, for hitting Trot. It was just so empty. Like, I imagine him going back to the dugout, and Jeter saying, "What the hell are you doing, asshole? We're not doing that right now! Get your head in the game!" And the Red Sox just brushed the whole thing off and said, "Whatever, yanks, we're outta here. See you in July. And don't forget your bats this time!"

And at the Stadium, with a pregnant lady on my left and my mom on my right, I felt very protected from the animals. But then again, everyone around me were Sox fans, so it didn't matter.

After my parents' visit, I'd like to present you with one classic line from each of them:

Dad (about the Indy 500): "They need to crash more. Do they think we're tuning in to watch them go around in circles?"

Mom (about the two yankee fan girls two rows in front of us, who liked to stand up to order food with the bases loaded, two outs, and a 3-2 count): "Look at these trailer trash girls. You'd think they could've found one bottle of shampoo between the two of 'em."

Check out this awesome article. You know it's good writing when you're laughing hysterically despite only understanding 6 % of the references.