Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I Weigh In On A Worn Out Topic

Why do you want Barry Bonds to retire? Because he cheated at baseball? Or because you don't like him?

Why is it cool to be on the media's side all of a sudden? I say screw 'em both. Bonds because he cheated whether I like him or not; and the media because they really do mess with people and get involved in their personal lives, all the while controlling what the public thinks by showing us or not showing us whatever they want.

I saw a poll that said most people A. want Bonds to retire, and B. feel that the media has treated him fairly.

My first thought after seeing that was, why only Bonds? Why not Jason Giambi, an admitted steroid user? Because he's white? Because he signed fucking autographs for all the elderly white people and their hateful grandchildren in Tampa this spring (like baseball players are supposed to do)?

Is it because Barry's close to breaking the home run record? No offense to Hank Aaron, but Giambi's homers that cost the Red Sox a shot at the '03 World Series are a bigger issue to me than Bonds's 756th. Tell me "Fuck all the cheaters," or say nothing at all about it.

And my next thought was: These polls are answered by people whose knowledge of the situation comes completely from the media. How can I take seriously anyone's opinion about the media, when the question they're answering comes from the media and the results are provided to me by the media?

In fact, had the media not brought it up in the first place, would anyone seriously be saying, "I feel Barry Bonds should retire"? I don't think so. Has anyone ever said that about an athlete before? That they "feel" the person should quit simply because "We just don't want him around no more!"? That's total bullshit in my opinion.

Where's the poll that asks "Do you feel George Steinbrenner should go fuck himself?" It would be an 85% "hell, yes" rate, but a poll question with two choices isn't exactly a grassroots effort. And even if it was, you can't make someone go fuck himself, and you can't make someone retire.

It's so hypocritical of all these supposed freedom-loving Americans to say that "they feel" someone else shouldn't have the freedom to continue doing their job. I dare you to go up to some construction worker and tell him that you "feel" he should quit.

And when Bonds says to the media, "You've succeeded at bringing me down," well isn't he exactly right--proven so by the fact that most of the nation wants him to go away (i.e. wants to bring him down)?

This is a slightly different issue, but, a lot of people say that doing steroids can't be considered cheating because they weren't against baseball rules at the time. To this I say: Did you ever see the Bugs Bunny episode where Bugs puts an elephant on the mound, and the other team complains, and Bugs claims that there's "nothing in the rulebook that says an elephant can't play baseball"? Well it's the same concept. There's no mention of the internet in the Constitution, either, because it didn't exist when the thing was written. Using Jere's Super Hitting Device TM should be allowed because there's nothing in the rulebook that specifically says it's not allowed in league play, right?

Anyway, I'm full of crap because I'm a Bill Lee fan, and that dude was using every substance known to person on the ball. But at least he was creative, and cheated on the side of the proverbial little guy, and wasn't just a muscle dude injecting himself to be even bigger and stronger. That's my justification. I'm gonna go ahead and stick with that.

I just saw a hilarious hilight on the local news. In today's game, Johnny Damon ran after a ball in center field, and after throwing it in, he started walking around like a zombie with one leg totally stiff. Turns out he just cramped up. Then they showed a close up of his face as he's walking to the dugout, laughing his ass off for having to leave the game and for having to walk like a freak.

Well said. That's just about exactly what I feel about the entire issue. When I think about the free pass Giambi's all of a sudden getting (and to a greater extent, Sheffield), I want to break something. It just makes no sense.

Sports reporting went out the window a long-ass time ago. Everybody's a "columnist" now, which means tons of obnoxious and braying opinions in the interest of more press. Bonds isn't totally lovable or anything, but they're both to blame.

Well said, Jere.
Ditto that.

Jere, I beat you to the steroid rant.

But I hafta say, you've got a style. Tired as I am of all this talk about steroids, your take is still welcome. I mean, take this, for example:

"Where's the poll that asks "Do you feel George Steinbrenner should go fuck himself?" It would be an 85% "hell, yes" rate, but a poll question with two choices isn't exactly a grassroots effort. And even if it was, you can't make someone go fuck himself, and you can't make someone retire."

You can't make someone fuck himself. I cracked up when I read that. Now that's a line for you. It's hysterical. Hell, in its own way, it's even quotable.

But I don't recommend that you send it to Reader's Digest, of course.

So I guess I'm saying, Jere, thanks for making steroids fun again!

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