Wednesday, February 16, 2005

T.E.R.R.I.B.L.E. J.O.B.

The Curt and Shonda Schilling Melanoma Foundation. SHADE. I don't get it. I mean, I know you go in the shade to avoid skin cancer, but the "all caps" implies an acronym. Clearly, the foundation should be called CSSMF. Or, come up with some words that fit the SHADE acronym.

I think I'll start the Jere Proper Acronym Learning Foundation, or AWESOME.

Did that article about Varitek make you feel like a lazy-ass slob or what? Today at work I put my feet up on the back wall of my cubicle and stretched each leg for five seconds. And I was proud of myself! I was like, "Between this and the fact that I park a few spots farther away from the building than I have to, just for those extra twenty steps of exercise, I am in hella shape!"

And then I read about Jason, with the workouts, the rope ladder, the jumping jacks, never mind the crouching/standing routine for the whole season, and the baseballs pounding him over and over.

And I realized just how lazy I am. Hell, I saw that the article was six pages and refused to read it at first, I'm that lazy. But I finally read it, and besides all this stuff, it was a good article. Jason's one of my favorites, always with the hustling and such.

And great job by Sheffield, causing possible trouble in that already un-champion-like yankee clubhouse. Start early, guys, I love it. And I've read in two different places Red Sox fans feeling for Jason Giambi. Uh...put me firmly in the opposite camp of those people.

Dirtdog did a good thing: He linked to that article about Greenwell saying he should be '88 MVP because he finished second to Canseco. I was a huge Greenwell fan, and honest to Gedman, I actually thought of this already. I was really psyched to see that the Gator thought of it, too.

Now that I've good-mouthed dirtdog, let's talk about his recent stretch of crap-itude.

1."Nomar Named." Yeah, named in Canseco's book as being NOT on steroids. Great reporting. And way to freak out all the Nomar fans, myself included. That was almost as bad as when DD was talking about Derek Lowe's wake and funeral. Kinda scary for a second before you realize it's a joke.

2.Then there's the "new alternate uniform" saga. Some guy made this up. I followed the thread on SoSH, and some other message board. I knew it was a load of crap when the guy made a horrible drawing of the words "Red Sox" to show what the uni would look like, even saying that was already selling it. (which it never was, because it never existed.) So DD puts up the friggin' drawing, which looks like it was done with that pen you sign your name with when you get your driver's license, saying to watch for this uni in April. A few days later, it's "Jersey idea scrapped, moved to 2006." Okay. I'll keep an eye out.

3. The Murray Chass article about Giambi's contract. I heard about it four days before DD had it up there.

4. Check out this Pulitzer Prize-winning headline: Goodenow Makes Bad Decision. Okay, let me explain this, in case you don't understand the brilliance of it. You see, this guy, Goodenow, made a decision, and it was bad. So what dirtdog has done here, is noticed that the word "Good" apppears in this fellow's name. And what with his decision being bad--the opposite of good--well, all the pieces just fell into place from there. So it's got good and bad. Opposites. One means what the other doesn't mean.

I'm not saying everything he does has to be perfect, but when your site is all about headlines, you gotta try a little bit.

5. Speaking of his unfunniness, what's with the "Dirt Dog Steals The Ball" thing? Was it just done so that he'd have his face on there? Why is that funny? Am I missing something?

Also, he has a pic of the Stanley Cup in a coffin, with two women holding it. At first the picture contained a mega-cleavage shot (it's taken from above), but he's since cropped it out. I wonder if he got complaints, or maybe the Globe was like, What the hell are doing over there? Cleavage ain't gonna save you now, buddy.

You must be gettin' to me. I have BDD set as my homepage (because it is, as you say, all headlines: easy intake), and from there I usually head straight to Firebrand. Because it's MVN, and Evan and I are both nuts about the Sox, and we work together on occasion, and sometimes I post. Sorta my home away from home (home being Raystalk, of course).

After Firebrand, I have no particular order, but I usually visit a few other Sox blogs, yours included, to catch the buzz in RedSoxland.

Anyway, I opened up to BDD this morning, and he was so bad that I skipped Firebrand (temporarily) and came straight here. I figured you'd be reaming the Dawg for something. You are, but unfortunately you're a few posts behind him. Unfortunately, because his latest slew of posts/headlines is BAD BDD.

See? I can do his thing too. I wanna run a hip website too.

Is that what he considers a book review, the Damon thing? And where's a link on the Lowe story? Somehow the Photoshopping isn't enough to convince me that I'm getting all the facts here. And calling Monkeywrench a LIAR? Get a life, pal.

Anyway, being lazy, you'll be happy because now you've got a free week or two worth of blog material ...

Blog :-)
That's effin' weird, Jere. You and I must have been actually composing our DD tirades like, simultaneously or something. Unreal.

I guess it's telling that he's really started to "get" to us at the same time. He's been particularly onerous lately.
And FWIW, "timothy"= Bullshit Memorial Stadium. Jere knows that, though.
There is some lame list made up using the letters SHADE, but it is really poorly done, with extra words needed for it to make sense.

Sunglasses. Always wear
sunglasses with UV ray protection

Hats. Always wear a wide brim hat made from a close weave fabric

Always wear protective clothing, long sleeved shirts and pants

During the peak sun hours of 10 – 4 reduce exposure to the sun –stay in the shade

Every 90 minutes reapply sun block with at least a SPF of 15

Shonda is not particularly bright, especially in the language category, so I'm not surprised.
//Dirtdog did a good thing//

this is a quote from you, in this post. good luck finding it;-)

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