I thought Dirt Dog's pic of the Mariano "For Losers" billboard was great.

But then, Dirt Dog turned to Dirt Bag as usual. First he posted the thoughts of his "corespondent" in Arizona, which said that Nomar is an "ungrateful bastard" for not accepting a ring from a team he wasn't even on when they won the World Series, and for doing charity events for the team he's currently on. Yeah, what a bastard. Charity for someone else, pssh. Who knows if any of this stuff is true, by the way. But if it is, well, he has the right to not accept the ring, and if he had taken it, surely Dirt Dog would say how selfish Nomar is, and how HE deserves the ring more than Nomar does. Oh wait, HE DID. Then, a little while after suggesting this, he added a line that starts with the word "Seriously," and suggests auctioning off the ring to benefit the various Red Sox charities. In other words, he was totally kidding about wanting the ring himself...yeah, right.

Actually, now I'm noticing he's added a fourth charity: The Lance Armstrong Foundation. I guess he's trying to appeal to every conformist American who has a yellow wristband (but also a gas-guzzling SUV, and who knows what other toys and wine-of-the-month-club memberships, the money from which could've gone toward really curing something), to cover up his original idea of keeping the ring for himself.

He also says he was the only person on the internet who supported the Nomar trade. Maybe the only one on his own site.

Then he just gets ridiculous (he'll eat up all your crackers and your licorice): "But Sox Still Keep Nomar on 2005 Calendar" is the headline, followed by a pic of the JULY '04 edition of the JF Turner 2005 Red Sox calendar. Go to Amazon, and see the current edition of the calendar, which I've had since January, and which has Ortiz on the cover where Nomar was in the old edition. It does have Lowe and Kapler, but these guys at least lasted the season. I guess Amazon's still trying to get rid of the first run of these calendars. Even if you do get it, it's only one more month with an "old" player, and the dates, people, are still correct. Print out a picture of Edgar Renteria and slap it over Nomar if you have this version of the calendar. Or, just get the current version. Everything will be fine.

And why act like it was the Red Sox' decision who to put on the calendar? It's not released by the team.

I heard an interview with Randy Johnson today. What a boring, stick-up-his-ass piece of shit. The perfect guy to be on the yanks, as he's just totally hateable anyway. His answer to "What's something yankee fans might find out from seeing you for an entire season?" was "That injury can happen at any time." Fine, then. Get innjured. What a bore. He noted that if you see him on a day when he's not pitching, you'll see a different side of him, different than the no-nonsense (read: no personality) Randy. Well you're not pitching today! So lighten up, asshead! The big city is gonna eat this guy proverbially alive.

As for Joanna Newsom on Kimmel last night: Wow, talk about nervous. I was nervous for her, and I think my nervousness transported across time and space to her, and that's what cost her. (And I make fun of Dirt Dog for saying stupid things...) But yeah, she could barely get the words out, she was so scared, it seemed. (Try playing a harp, let alone playing one AND singing to millions.) I guess the thought of literally millions of people watching you can have that effect. I can see how that performance would make people shy away, but you just have to be in the Newsom zone, and hear the album, or see her in a small place (where she's much more comfortable, as I have witnessed). And once you're in, you're, uh, in. Beautiful album. Just keep playing it till you start crying, then you know you're in. (Those camera people got a once in a lifetime opportunity to get shots through harp strings.)

It was bizarre to see her in that setting. You've got Jeff Gordon and Pat O'Brien as the other guests, and then she plays a really slow song to ADD America, then the house band immediately goes into a funk song, then a really loud David Spade commercial comes on... Not the right setting for the lady. And then they teased me with another song, which got cut off during the first verse, as the show ended (and of course, cut to one of those show-closing, wacky, animated production company logos (Fart Dog Productions! Arf!, something like that) to kill the mood again.