Friday, February 18, 2005

Fatboy on K

David Wells just got interviewed by his old buddy, Michael Kay, on ESPN radio.

I seriously don't know how I'm going to root for this guy.

Kay asked him what it was like to put on the Sox uniform, and Wells said "It was tough," with a little chuckle in the middle, which implied he almost couldn't go through with it.

Maybe he was just kissing up to the backward one, but either way, he really didn't do anything that made me want to like him. This was a New York station, so there was a lot of that "Always be a yankee"-type talk. I mean I liked how he did the now ubiquitous "A-Rod isn't a real yankee," but then he compared that to his own situation, saying he wasn't a part of the '04 Sox and doesn't "want to have anything to do with that." (By the way, I never formally thanked Trot for that line about A-Rod having his limo driver take his kid to school. Thank you, Trot. I love you, man.)

It was funny when Kay asked him if he ever did steroids, and Wells laughed, saying he asked around about what it does for you, but never experimented. Kay asked, "But don't you want a six-pack?" Fatty said, "That is my steroids!" Kay said, "I meant on your stomach..."

Wells also pointed out how the yanks didn't want him because he was "an old guy," but now they turn around and get The Mullet.

Then Kay said how in New York, you now need three beat reporters: One to cover the Mets, one for the yanks, and one for the Red Sox, because, "it's almost like they're the third New York team." Mwahahahaaa, the plan is working. And just after I ordered my "I [socked] NY" T-shirt, too. Have you seen this? I saw one at the Riv in NYC during Game 6 of the ALCS. It's "I [heart] NY," but with the red socks where the heart goes. The one I just ordered doesn't use the official logo like that one did, for trademark reasons, but makes the socks look a litle bit like a heart.

Then Kay said how a friend of his said that yankee fans can look at things like this now: We now know there was no curse, it's just that the Sox "stunk and choked" for 86 years. Hilarious. (Sound of crickets.) (I've seen this on a T-shirt on the net already, where this guy probably got the joke from.) Anyway, Kay was giddy while saying this, but then one of his producers said, "But in those 86 years, the Red Sox never choked like the yankees did." My thoughts exactly.

Kay brought this up when his producer kept using the term "yankee," referring to any historical collapse. And Kay was getting frustrated. So they (the producers/call takers/cohosts) asked, "If you're a neutral fan, why does this bother you," referring to the fact that the obvious yankee fan Kay pretends he's neutral for some reason. And that's when Kay came back with his little curse joke, only to be shot down again. Great job, non-Kay dudes (who are normally pretty horrible, though.)

Proof once again that yankee fans really ought to try continuing the "don't say anything" routine. Because every time they open their mouths, something so ridiculous comes out; something that can always be negated by one word..."their" word: CHOKE.

Like I keep saying about Wells, Red Sox fans are going to enjoy having this guy around regardless of what happens. Because if he pitches well, hey, it'll be fun because we're winning. And if he doesn't pitch well, we've got the bastard hostage and we can razz him mercilessly. That's a win-win situation if ever there was one.

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Location: Rhode Island, United States