Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Breaking News


An ARSFIPT source, who resides next to the dumpster behind the Danbury Barnes & Noble, claimed, between swigs of bourbon, that the deal is virtually done. "The Stox are holdin' out fer a draft pick, though," the source said Wednesday, "but they'll prolly just [unintelligible] teams."

Shhhh. Don't say anything. I'm trying to see if will hire me.

Was I seeing things over at Did the Silva Surfa actually make fun of ESPN for claiming the Randy Johnson trade was done, when he himself has had the Big Unit's picture up with a yankee hat on for weeks as well, with a headline confirming that the deal is done? Yes he did. He's now claiming we're going to sign Wade Miller. So I figure the odds on that are about 25 to 1. Although you gotta figure he's due. But I said that about Troy O'Leary when he was at the plate a lot, too.

Days after I wrote about yankee announcer/Steinbrenner girlfriend Suzyn Waldman, she was on the FAN today hosting a Hot Stove show. A Sox fan called up and said, "How can you go from being a Red Sox fan to being a yankee fan?" She got all flustered, it was great. Keep callin' her out, Sox fans. She also noted that on the show she did yesterday (I think she's on all week), they talked about this "for a half an hour." Yes! How is the screener letting these calls through? Along with co-host Howie Rose, she tried to defend herself. She said how she had a season ticket at Fenway since she was three, and how she's known Johnny Pesky since she was six. (She was screaming at this point.) That just made the caller ask his question again: So how can you go from that to being a yankee fan? She said how she's not a yankee "fan," it's just her job, etc., etc. Then she said, "If I was from Kansas City and came to work for the yankees, I guarantee you no one would say anything to me." And Rose couldn't resist saying, "That's because nobody cares about Kansas City around here." (i.e. "Duh, Suzyn, the Red Sox and yankees are kind of rivals!) She gave up the fight at that point. Until tomorrow, I hope.

The point is, once again, she wouldn't say, "I did it for the money, okay!?" even though we all know that has to be the reason. I think the guy actually had a legit question: "How could you?" Granted, he was pullin' her chain, but I seriously would like to know her answer. Because we fans don't know what it's like to be offered a job by our rival. Maybe some of us would do the same thing. I mean, I can say to you right now that I wouldn't work for the New York yankees for any amount of money, and I believe myself. But what if an offer was actually on the table?

I puked the other night. All night. Got a "bug," I guess. Oh, how cute, a bug. I was just a little cuddly bug in a rug, as my insides were uncontrollably torn out of me over and over. This is one reason why I don't drink. If there's a chance of hurling, I'm not participating. I'd rather be a yankee fan than throw up. Speaking of that, did you know that the Spanish verb "arrojar" means "to vomit?" So the "I" form would be "arrojo." That's right, former Red Sox pitcher Rolando Arrojo's last name meant "I throw up." If you were a Sox fan when he pitched, I don't need to tell you why that's so very fitting.

Today I heard the press conference of Dirtdog's favorite Phillie, Carl Pavano. He said, "Who doesn't dream of playing for the New York yankees?" He's right, I guess--only most of us call it a "nightmare."


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Location: Rhode Island, United States