Okay everybody, I'm here to tell you the truth about the New York yankees. They're going nowhere this year. Seriously, we've got nothing to worry about. If the Red Sox can play 80 to 85% of what they're capable of, they've got the division wrapped up.

The yanks barley snuck by yet again last night, with Mariano coming within a pitch of walking in the tying run. They were also aided by the umps, as is the tradition, to the point where Piniella got tossed arguing over balls and strikes.

Of course, watch them go and get Randy Johnson. I can't think of a way to make fun of Randy Johnson's name, because his name's already randy johnson for god's sake. And his nickname is the Big Unit. So the bootleg T-shirt makers wouldn't have to think too hard on that one.

Let's just hope they part with some more prospects if they do get him.

And their "murderers row" lineup is supposed to be what wins them games since their pitching continues to be crappy. Let's do some comparisons:

The yankees' top hitter--I'm talking average here-- is Miguel Cairo at .303. I'm not kidding, look it up.

Then they've got Sheffield at .295, Matsui at .288, Jeter at .279, Posada at .274, A-Rod at .271, Bernie at .267.

We've got Manny at .338, Damon at .319, Ortiz at .302, Millar at .284, Mueller at .282, Youk and Nomar at .306 in limited action, Varitek tied with the best player in the history of the world, A-Rod, at .271. With Mirabelli backing him up at .304.

And Manny AND Ortiz each have more HRs and RBIs than any yankee player has in either category.

So we've got them in hitting and pitching, we just seem to be 6 out for some reason. That being terrible performances by Arroyo, Lowe, and Wake, who have all settled down. Well, you know, except for Lowe. Tonight's a big one for him.

I'm taking a little All-Star break of my own, but I'll be back in a week.

I know I don't need to tell you to not give up on this team while I'm gone.

Magic # = 85

Go Sox!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!