Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Two Cliches And A Walkoff

Eric Byrnes. Everybody's talkin' 'bout him...

I keep hearing how the yanks ar going to get this guy, and I think, Good. I like when guys I already hate go to the team I hate. You may ask, "But, A Red Sox Fan In Pinstripe Territory, or whatever you call yourself, you like the down-and-dirty types, like Darren Bragg, right?" And to that, I say, "Byrnes is a wannabe. He's Candlebox to Johnny Damon's Nirvana. Did you ever hear how the promo shot of Burt Reynolds from The Longest Yard was modeled after that famous shot of Joe Namath? Namath always makes fun of the rip-off shot, because Reynolds is just so Hollywood and pretty compared to how dirty Namath was in the photo from the actual football game. And that's Byrnes to me. A Cali-fied-dirt dog."

And then you might say, "Well he went all out on that diving catch tonight." And I say, "Well, I didn't see it, but my dad told me about it over the phone."

But still, I'll always think of that play where he pushed Varitek and never did touch home plate and just walked of the field, and got tagged out. In the playoffs. A prima donna, I tell ya. With fake dirt rubbed on him. I bet he uses Grunge Shampoo. 'Grunge Shampoo: Makes Your Hair LOOK Dirty, While Keeping It Squeaky Clean.' (He just struck out to end the ninth, by the way.)

So when I was talking to my dad earlier, he was giving me a play-by-play, since he has NESN. At one point, he very nonchalantly said, "Fly out to Kookie Kookie Lend Me Your Comb" And then kept right on talking. And I was like, "Beep beep beep, back up..." And he briefly explained this nickname he has for the aforementioned Mr. Byrnes. But I looked it up on the internet to get the whole story:

From fiftiesweb.com:

"77 Sunset Strip Tidbits--Next door was the posh restaurant, Dino's Lodge at number 79, where the 'ginchiest' carpark of all time, Kookie ([Edd] Brynes) worked and gabbed... The dreamboat Brynes became a heartthrob and recorded 'Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb' with Connie Stevens."

So I guess my dad just hears "Byrnes" and thinks of this actor from his childhood, Edd Brynes, (pronounced like "Byrnes," I guess) [Edit: the site I went to spelled it wrong. It's Edd Byrnes, spelled just like Eric], famous for his "Kookie" role. Therefore, Eric Byrnes = "Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb".

Breaking News: I'm here listening to Gameday Audio, bottom nine, winning run at the plate, and the phone rings. It's my dad. "I had a feeling..." he said. Since Gameday Audio is almost a minute behind real life, I knew the game was over, and my dad knew what happened. I couldn't tell if what he said meant "game-ending double play" or "game winning homer." I said, "What?" He said, "Home run, Millar." So I told him how my feed was behind, and then listened to the "next" pitch, and got to hear Castiglione call the walk off homer.

So as my dad started describing the replay he was watching, I said, "Look for the sign! In the Monster seats!" I was talking about BS Memorial, up in those seats tonight with Erin, who brought a sign. My dad said he did see a sign, but couldn't read it. I'll have to check it out on the news tonight. You can't pick a better game to see from the Monster seats than one where there's a walkoff homer to the Monster seats.


So, I was talking about that 50's dude. It's weird how his little catch-phrase involves a comb, and Eric has that shaggy haircut. But I guess the connection is in the name only. At least to my dad. I always thought Byrnes looked more like Luther from The Warriors.

Here's Byrnes:

Here's Luther:

Maybe a stretch, but mind you, I didn't have a lot of pictures to choose from in the Luther category. But if you've seen the movie, and you've seen Byrnes play, you know they're really similar. Kind of.

Note: I don't apologize for using two things that seem to be very common in Red Sox blogs--The Warriors , and showing pictures of two people who are supposed to look similar. I am a huge fan of both those things and will never tire of using them.

Wow, this post turned out better than I thought. The Millar dong helped immensely. Now he's got two for his two new babies. I'm gonna go look for BS Memorial on the news now. The Broseph is gonna be jealous.

I think you've pinned Brynes with Luther - almost. Luther has got shades of Madonna and Jay Leno mixed in. But good call with the eyes.
I like when guys I already hate go to the team I hate.

Amen to that. Even my wife hates Eric Byrnes, and has trouble rooting for the A's when they play the Yankees. He's a perfect fit for the Yankees, as self-centered as he is. Just another name who doesn't understand the concept of "team".
You know, it's weird - I thought I was the only one that still harbored resentment for Byrnes. Every time it comes up, someone looks at me like I'm petty and insane. And A's fans freakin' love this guy.
Can't stand Byrnes either really, especially when he runs. Why does he leap like a gazelle when he runs? I can't fucking stand it.

Nor can I stand being ignored when I say "hi" all friendly-like after the game on Yawkey Way, despite my instincts. I'm not an asshole, so I can say "hey," and "nice catch tonight," even though I'm thinking "you're a doosh," and "that was really awesome when you shoved Tek in Game 3 of the 03 ALDS, and it turned out you hadn't even touched home, so he came over and tagged out your embarassed bitch ass."

He had his woman and his earphones on, and pretended like he didn't hear me.
You know, I'm really glad to read this because I thought I was the only one who retains an irrational (but passionate) dislike of Eric Byrnes because of that play. Actually, because of that play & Miguel Tejada's baserunning faux pas (with the ball still in play, he stopped to argue that he had been interfered with at 3B by Mueller), I've developed a lasting & overbearing dislike of the A's as a ballclub.

I've felt quite uplifted these last two days. I almost felt sorry for Dotel the second day, but then I said to myself, "Nah forget it, he pitches like an asshole, why bother?"

For the record, a pitcher who pitches like an asshole would be anyone who would throw 3 straight fastballs to Kevin Millar, a known fastball hitter -- not to mention that the last of the 3 FB's was belt-high right down the middle -- with the game on the line.

So he deserved it. 'Sall good.
Oh yea, and this:

"the Broseph's gonna be jealous"

could not have been more true.

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