I have some experience listening to Ken "Hawk" Harrelson from when he briefly announced Yankees games on MSG or SportsChannel, one of those networks they were on pre-Yes, maybe 15 years ago. It was kind of funny hearing him say "Rack 'em, put 'em on the boooooard," in the same tone as the head of the Flying Elvises, Utah Chapter, in Honeymoon in Vegas. I knew he was an ex-Red Sox player and announcer, so other than the fact that he was on the Yanks' side, I didn't have too much against him. He was certainly unique, and mildly amusing to a fifteen year old.

All these years later, for more than six hours today, I once again got to listen to the Hawk. Now, I'd been warned of his evil ways by Sam, and, yeah, I knew he was a bit annoying from hearing highlights over the years, and that he was a big homer, but I didn't have to listen to the guy, so what did I care?

Oh, how my opinion has changed. This man should be immediately fired. The network should step in, actually listen to what he's saying during broadcasts, and make the common sense move of terminating his contract.

An announcer's job is to describe the action, tell us facts about the players and the park...you know this, you're reading a baseball blog. Watching a game announced by this guy is no different from eavesdropping on the fan next to you at the park. Not that one, that one. The prick.

On Dye's homer in the ninth, his call wasn't "Drive to right..." but "Stay fair! Stay fair!" This, of course, was followed by his patented "Put 'em on the board," which is chased by him and his buddy screaming "Yes!" in tandem.

He likes to say "our Sox." Fine. But he knows the other team, for this series, is called the Sox as well. This would warrant the accent being on the "our." Our Sox, as opposed to theirs. But he still says it without any stress on the "our." They're just "our Sox," even though that could apply to both teams, what with the announcer's job entailing he or she be NEUTRAL. Hellooo? Even Michael Kay, as much as he's blatantly rooting for the Yanks, will always claim to be neutral.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but neither Sterling nor Kay rivals the arrogance, pomposity, and homerism of the Hawk. Close, but not quite.

He's annoying enough as it is, but to complain about the umpires calls, claiming that there are two different strike zones, one small one for the White Sox pitchers, and one bigger one for the Red Sox, and then to just say nothing when an obvious bad call goes Chicago's way makes him sound like an ass. At one point, as we saw a replay of what looked to me like a perfect pitch, he said, "Schilling was given that pitch." And it's not like he was merely pointing it out, he was groaning about it. Literally. Saying things like "oh, come on." Speaking of saying nothing, that's one of his favorite calls. Play happens, he stays quiet. It's refreshing when announcers shut the hell up for a second, but when something's going on, feel free to chime in!

His little buddy can't read. A fan was shown holding up a sign that read "Chicago Likes It's Sox White (Not Red)." There were colors and underlines and, as you can see, bad grammar and things we didn't need spelled out for us. Hawk's co-announcer decides he's gonna take a shot at reading it. He comes out with: "Chicago likes it! White Sox, not red."

Other than that stuff, Hawk and friend's routine was just general bragging about the White Sox and making fun of the Red Sox. Like repeatedly worrying about how White Sox pitchers are setting up to get hurt by a flare or bloop. Fully implying that that's all we'll be able to muster up. So it was sweet when Loretta, who Hawk basically said was a career .300 hitter due to his ability to get cheap hits, lined one for the go-ahead runs.

Unfortunately, we couldn't hold on; with neither Pap nor Timlin. Why didn't we appeal on that play where Dye didn't retouch third? Why not give it a shot? It's not Scrabble! We're not gonna lose a turn if our challenge is denied. If there's ever any uncertainty at all, appeal. To every base. Just in case. There's no harm in it. Surely someone noticed there was something fishy going on on the basepaths.

What a crazy day it was. The Yanks blew a 5-0 lead to the Rays, and their game and our game were neck and neck for a while. After the sweet relief of their game going final, after plenty of horse shit, including those damn catwalks helping the Yanks, it appeared we were about to wrap ours up, and go four up headed into the break. We'll have to settle for three.

Oh, and Michael Kay has decided that if he says it enough, Jeter will be the MVP. Just so you know. Kind of loses its luster after he's named hospitals and cathedrals after Melky Cabrera, though.

Note: The title of this post could be seen as A. Oh, he's into, like, punk and stuff, so he named it after that Minor Threat song or B. Oh, he's a Red Sox fan so he used a song originally written by that "Dirty Water" band. But the truth is option A.--I was thinking of the Minor Threat version the whole game, and only later thought, Oh right, that was originally a Standells song.

Update: I have to add this link: Heave the hawk.